Dear Dr. Hendlin:

“I am very depressed at times about my efforts to write well.  I've tried to sell five novels and a nonfiction book proposal.  I've gone to school and taken classes, have spent years on writing groups, have employed a professional editor, have friends read my material and have even managed to get some personal referrals to agents and publishers.  I have worked very, very hard at this.  I honestly believe my writing has improved tremendously and is of a publishable quality, but it's just not happening for me --while it seems to happen for everyone around me. 

 
Fortunately, I have a career apart from writing and other things in my life, but I've really become pretty sour and angry. It is not helpful when someone says "keep trying" or suggests things I've already been trying for years--I need something to get me over the feeling that all this effort to learn to write doesn't just mean I'm a stubborn lunatic.  I have little sympathy for those who become published and have what seem to be very petty problems in comparison, and I don't like being ungenerous.”
 

Response:

I won’t tell you to “keep trying.” In fact, I suggest the opposite: Stop trying. Perhaps it’s time for you to take a writing hiatus. Your anger and resentment are clouding your write mind and your ability to allow yourself to enjoy the process of writing. Instead, you've become fixated on your narrow goal of publication. While there is nothing wrong with wanting this outcome, you don't want to let it over-shadow and spoil your means of getting there. And for a guy who claims not to like being “ungenerous” with others, you’re clearly being ungenerous with yourself as well.

How do I know this? Because you’ve confused “writing well” with whether or not your writing is accepted for commercial publication. They are not necessarily the same. Writing well is neither a necessary or sufficient condition for the marketplace. For whatever reason, your novels were not judged as commercially viable. Have you been able to discover why?

Despite what you read on writers’ sites when they commiserate over their inability to get published, the game is never as capricious as it may seem or as others might like you to think. My sense is there’s only a relatively small element of chance, luck, and timing as to whether one’s fiction or non-fiction work is bought by a trade publisher.

If you’re a celebrity, have a great platform, or are good neighbors with Judith Reagan or Binky Urban, your odds go up. But editors and publishers aren’t dumb. They’re smart enough to stack the odds in their favor, as they will be fired if they make too many bad decisions. Despite some surprises, most of the experienced ones trust their instincts, and have a pretty good idea of what they want and what will sell.

This means some very good, creative writing will never be bought because publishers won’t risk losing money on it. Conversely, some poor quality stuff will always sell because readers have shown they like it. That’s the game—always has been, always will be. You can fight ‘em or you can join ‘em. If you fight ‘em, you will stay angry, depressed, and bitter. If you join ‘em, you need to stop focusing on what you think is good writing and instead figure out what sells—and then produce it if you can.

We recently had a member of the Backspace forums who wrote six novels over nine years. No agent, no success, nothing—until the last one. He said, “The rejection was without letup, and my persistence in the face of it was almost inexplicable.” He got so desperate he thought of auctioning away the rights to his fifth book on eBay. But instead, he had a creative idea, wrote his sixth book, got an agent, and sold it to Random House for big money. So you decide whether you want to “keep trying” or take a rest.

Whatever you decide, remember that effort is only one element of reaching your goal of publication. And you may have to accept that your work will never be published, at least by a traditional publisher. If that’s the only reason you’re writing, I do think a writing hiatus and reevaluation is in order.

Your best way to “get over” the feeling that all your effort doesn't just mean you’re a “stubborn lunatic” is re-discover your original write mind—the interest and joy that got you writing to begin with. I would never consider you a “stubborn lunatic” for persevering but failing to find commercial success. But I might invoke the label should you refuse to realize that your happiness in this world cannot be dependent on the judgments of the marketplace. Thanks for your question.

© 2006 Steven Hendlin, Ph.D.

Steven Hendlin, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in Newport Beach, California
who has been in private practice for 30 years. Formerly a columnist for TheStreet.com for 74 consecutive weeks, he currently writes the “Shrink Rap” column for COAST Magazine. Dr. Hendlin is the author of four books and hundreds of professional and popular articles, reviews, and columns.

Visit him at www.hendlin.net. He is pleased to receive your comments and questions for publication in his Backspace column at shrink.rap1@yahoo. com, but please remember that he is unable to provide personal counseling or psychotherapy through the mail.