Let’s apply the elements of excellence that the perfectionist might have already learned in their more distorted  form that may be modified into a  more moderate form in  realizing the  “good enough” mentality. Specifically, let’s apply them to the pursuit of writing a book for publication. This is not an exhaustive list but only an indication of those elements that I believe are important in the pursuit of excellence in any endeavor. Following this list, I’ll indicate how the perfectionist’s perspective may be altered toward excellence by utilizing these elements.

     1.  Knowledge. Are you willing to acquire the basic and advanced knowledge of writing through extensive reading, study, formal classes, workshops, conferences, and experiences  that are  necessary to perform the skill at a high enough level to warrant publication? Have you chosen a genre and content  in which you are capable of  obtaining and exhibiting this knowledge?  Are you capable of creating and developing your own unique style or “voice”? Are you willing to learn about and develop the skills necessary for the business side of publishing, including finding an agent and what editors and publishers  expect of an author, including  selling your product in the marketplace? Is this knowledge interesting and meaningful to you?

     2.   Compatibility. Does your desire to excel in writing and get published follow naturally from those skills and talents that you already possess?  If not, do you have a realistic possibility of learning  them at a high level, given your  natural limi­tations? Are your temperament and personality compatible with the skills and talents necessary to perform at a high level? For example, are you extroverted and confident enough to speak in front of groups to help promote your book once you’re published? Can you handle disappointment when your work is rejected by agents, editors, and the public? Can you sufficiently distance yourself from your “product” so that you don’t equate your sense of self with the outcome of your book in the marketplace?

     3.  Dedication.  How much does it matter to you whether you excel or not? Are you willing to practice your skills in your chosen area  as much as is required to reach a high level of proficiency?  Are you, within reason, willing to sacrifice cer­tain pleasures and diversions if necessary?  Are you willing to give up time socializing or time with your family if this is required to do the job? Are you willing to hang in there with­out quitting even after repeated failures in falling short of your goal of publication?

     4.  Motivation.  Are you sufficiently  motivated to not allow yourself to be dis­tracted by other interests? Are you, without being driven, strongly  pulled toward reaching the top?  What makes it so important for you to excel in this particular area? What are your true motivations for caring about writing for publication? Do you have any ulterior motives that you don’t like to admit but might dampen your motivation if they are not satisfied?

      5.  Commitment.  Is reaching excellence as demonstrated by publication a short term goal for you? How will you earn a living if you never make enough with your writing to pay your living expenses?  Are you willing to be committed over the long term, refining your skills even after you reach your desired level of competence?  What will sustain you should you experience repeated rejection? What will you do when your attention is captured by another, equally interesting area to pursue?  How much of your life are you  willing to dedicate to truly becoming  proficient at writing over time?

      6.   Satisfaction.  Do you derive satisfaction from incremental steps toward your goal of excellence?  Do you know  how to break your goal into various steps, each with a sub-goal that brings you some enjoyment, pleasure, self-respect, and sense of well-being?  Is there anything else you’d rather be doing than this particu­lar chosen area of striving? Are you able to make it a dance toward excellence rather than a struggle that is all-consuming?

Transforming Perfection to Excellence

      In transforming perfection to excellence, we take the above selected  elements of  excellence and make the following alterations in the perfectionist’s attitude:

      1.  We move from  knowledge  that confirms an air of superiority  to  knowl­edge that insures adequate grounding in one’s chosen discipline; learning to use knowledge to gain confidence and to ground skills rather than using knowledge to feel superior to others or to boast about one’s intelligence and learning;  learning to give up the narcissistic position of being the only one who knows, who is entitled to special attention and treatment.

     2.  Learning to choose the writing projects that are  right for you, not just those that have status attached or  reflect what your family,  friends and other writers think you should do; finding the projects that  fit your personal style. From a viewpoint of “me-against-the-world”  to “we’re-in-it-together.” Learning how to cooperate and be compatible  with other writers, agents, and editors for one’s own benefit and well as for their benefit; going beyond gross forms of jealousy, envy, and vindictiveness to feelings of interest in and joy for the triumphs of others. From “there’s only room  at the top for one” to “there’s room enough for everyone.”

    3.  From conditional dedication based on easy reward and low frustration  to dedication based on personal integrity that demands one’s best performance; moving beyond blaming others when it isn’t easy; not quitting after failures; tolerating second-best, if necessary;  making use of  constructive  criticism from other writers and publishing professionals.

    4.  From  motivation by fear of failure to motivation derived from personal satisfaction and achievement; moving  from desperate performance to avoid shame to  spirited, interested engagement with reward in both the process and the goal; from compulsively moving on without time to savor  the achievement to allowing oneself full satisfaction without devaluing one’s accomplishment. Making room for celebration of  success, as a way to gain nourishment for further challenges. The perfectionist’s obsessive tendency can be used positively to sustain motivation despite  distractions competing for his attention.

     5.   From commitment  based on short term ego gratification  to commitment based on strong investment in  the skill or work itself. From surface-level narcis­sistic gratification to a deeper  sense of “right livelihood,” or doing work that one enjoys that is consistent  with one’s morals, temperament, and personal beliefs and takes cares of one’s personal needs;  transcending short-term interest based on fad and fashion.

     6.  From momentary relief based on temporarily fending off anxiety and the fear of failure to deeper satisfaction  and contentment based on a  sense of pride of accomplish-ment and enjoyment of the process of reaching it; from focus only on the goal to focus on enjoyment of  the incremental steps toward the goal; from frustration and fragmentation to a sense of wholeness and completeness.

This essay is adapted from my book, When Good Enough is Never Enough: Escaping the Perfection Trap (Tarcher/Putnam, 1992).

© 2007 Steven Hendlin, Ph.D.

Steven Hendlin, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in Newport Beach, California
who has been in private practice for 30 years. Formerly a columnist for TheStreet.com for 74 consecutive weeks, he currently writes the “Shrink Rap” column for COAST Magazine. Dr. Hendlin is the author of four books and hundreds of professional and popular articles, reviews, and columns.

Visit him at www.hendlin.net. He is pleased to receive your comments and questions for publication in his Backspace column at baney@yahoo. com, but please remember that he is unable to provide personal counseling or psychotherapy through the mail.